Jan
22
Â
Â
Most women suffer from lack of self-confidence, even despite greater job and educational opportunities than ever before. As noted in an earlier post, the lack of self-esteem starts as early as nine years old for girls and steadily worsens in adolescence, even if they excel in school.
Â
Without a sense of self, it is difficult to be alone, to make decisions, to set boundaries, to identify and accomplish goals, to succeed professionally, and to enjoy healthy, intimate relationships. Poor self-esteem underlies anxiety, depression, addiction, and sexual dysfunction.
Â
What do I actually mean by self-esteem and self-worth? It is a realistic, positive self-concept, humbly accepting your attributes and shortcomings. It is a feeling of worth, determined neither by comparison to nor approval from others. It is a feeling of appreciation and satisfaction with yourself, not based on beauty, talent, achievement, intelligence, status, or popularity. It is an inner contentment – a feeling of “I have value, worth, and am lovable.” Just as a toddler and each breed of dog, cat, and horse are unique and lovable, so are you. I use them as examples, because worth is intrinsic and not based on accomplishments or beauty, and need not be earned. Love from parents and others helps to establish self-esteem, but it is not a substitute. You can be loved and admired, even have prestige and material success, and still lack core self-esteem. Some leading actors and CEO’s can only temporarily bask in the reflection of their success, ever compelled to exceed their last performance. Without self-esteem, as soon as a lover leaves, self-worth plummets. Chasing after others’ approval, material possessions, physical perfection, or worldly success, even if achieved, is ephemeral and won’t result in self-esteem, because it is an inner state of consciousness, independent of external events – a peaceful state of mind – not striving, judging, competing, or in conflict with itself. This doesn’t mean you don’t have goals. On the contrary, more creativity, courage, and energy are freed to accomplish them, and more satisfaction is attained.
Â
Read in Full:Â
http://www.mentalhelp.net/poc/view_doc.php?type=doc&id=41277&cn=96